The One About Vampire Cats

Or: How I learned the power of word association.

Vampires aren’t really a thing. I know this. A conglomeration of hideous historical monsters (though actual people), European folklore, and a theater manager turned novelist. One thing that is for certain? Vampires certainly don’t glitter in the sun. Much like one of the best industrial/hard rock albums of the ’90s, they wither, blister, burn, & peel.

But what about vampire cats? Could those be real? Have you ever taken a minute to really think about the similarities between the two? Of course, you haven’t, because, it’s just weird. But let’s take a moment and look at some of the well-known characteristics of the most famous Count (no offense, Dooku.)

• Powers
  • Shapeshifting
  • Control over others

• Weaknesses
  • Religious symbols
  • Rules of Existence

Those are just a few of some common characteristics of the Count. Just a part of the numen of Nosferatu and a small sum of the vigors of the Vampire.

Now, humor me for a moment, and let’s take a look at those same fanciful forces through a more feline filter.

Maybe not able to shapeshift, per se… I’d say cats are capable of some pretty incredible contortions when put in fight or flight situations. Much like the Count himself crawling up the walls of his castle, cats are known to be all nimbly bimbly, jumping from tree to tree. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to see a cat literally climbing the walls, much like Mr. Harker saw the Count.

Sometimes thought of as the “King Vampire,” Dracula has the ability to control other vampires once they have been turned. Subjects cross land and sea to do his bidding from a mere thought of their Master. Is a cat owner any different? Slaves to their feline masters. Scooping and sifting and bagging and sifting and refilling and feeding and scooping and sifting and scooping. All for the shred of emotion and validation that is shown, whenever the true master feels their subjects are worthy of attention.

Stoker’s masterpiece affords us a look at the side of vampires they’d rather not show. The side that can be controlled, and destroyed. As powerful as he may be, Dracula himself is not totally immortal. Our feline friends also have their own subset of weaknesses, and while their rules of existence are a little more lenient than that of the Count, there are more than a few common cat characteristics that also define the grimalkin ghouls.

Holy relics, like a cross, can be used to easily manipulate vampires, while cats can be easily controlled for a time by any regular laser pointer.

It doesn’t even need to be cross-shaped.

There are some fatal weaknesses that are shared between vampires and cats. Decapitation? A sure way to kill a cat, and a vampire. Fire? Again, both would not survive. Wooden stakes through the heart? Both hearts would beat no longer.

Those are the first weaknesses that come to mind when discussing Dracula, but there are actually quite a few lesser known rules of existence that the Count has to abide by. Did you know he can’t enter a room initially unless invited? Every time after that the Count can come and go as he pleases. Cats, like Dracula, also have a way of making themselves the master of the house, once they are invited in.

This is why whenever I’m inviting new people over, I stand by the open door and see if they enter on their own accord. If they wait to be invited in I have a spritzer of garlic infused holy water near my door, just to be on the safe side.

(Who am I kidding…I don’t invite people over.)

By now you have probably surmised that I am not a cat person. It might be a stretch to say that they are evil, but then again, it might not.

We have hermit crabs. They are not evil; although, they have turned out to require a bit more attention to detail in their “crabitat” than was expected. They’re actually kinda cute…

Curious as to why I wrote this post? Basically, it was to write, something, anything. It was in response to a challenge. A literary gauntlet. A cyber summons. A Daily Inkling writing prompt from over at Normal Happenings. If you’re curious as to my train of thought…I’ll break it down for you, step by step.

Six degrees of Kevin Bacon blog ideas – in my brain –

1. Read the Daily Inkling writing prompt: Vampire Cat
2. saw the word Vampire
3. remembered the conversation about the Castle from the National Geographic book my 7yo son was looking at and talking about the Bram Stoker book and how he basically invented Vampires
4. saw the word Cat
5. I really don’t like cats
6. cats are basically vampires
7. we have hermit crabs
8. they’re not vampires

FIN