The One About Doritos

Or: How I learned that Roulette can sometimes pay off! 

“Well I remember it as though it were a meal ago…” said Dave the gamer/writer as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter may have nestled its way into his mighty throat. Many a bag of Doritos had met its demise while staring point blank down the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine. Truly a wonder of nature this snacking predator. Dave the writer had many a story to tell, but it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.*

We started our journey here at Hear Dave Write with a little ditty about Cuphead. A great game that I had been looking forward to for some time. The side-scrolling action reminded me of games I grew up playing like Mario Bros., Mega Man, & Contra. The animation style was a nice draw (get it? animation….draw….) and made it look quite different and distinct from every other game around at the time. And last but not least, the difficulty. This is was really what set the game apart, and, after seeing a reviewer fumble through the tutorial level for twenty minutes, is what prompted my first post here; the cleverly titled, The One About Cuphead.

The other main catalyst for HearDaveWrite was the adventure you’ll read all about today.

But first, some back story.

I’m what some would call an “early adopter” and what my wife would call “a nerd.” I like my gadgets. And when new gadgets are released, I like to have them. There are a lot of gadgets that get passed over, due to budget or impracticality.

Like the little robot friend Cozmo that looks like so much fun…

And the 75″ UHD curved display TV…

And the virtual reality Light Saber game. It makes you get up and move, so it’s basically exercise (more on physical gaming below.)

And then there are those gadgets that I make the executive decision on, and ask forgiveness for later. Some get used (like the new game consoles) and some don’t (like the Fitbit.) Well, now my son is using the Fitbit sometimes to hatch my eggs on Pokemon Go, so technically it was still a good purchase because it’s being used by somebody, occasionally.

When the Kinect accessory for the Xbox 360 released in late 2010, I was quick to jump on the bandwagon. It was a fun and innovative way to get people more physically involved in their gaming, which ultimately and unfortunately, fell flat.

Just like a lot of other people who tried to be more physically involved in their gaming!

When the Xbox One was released late 2013 I had my “Day One Edition” set to arrive on my doorstep on … day one. I could either keep it or resell the super special edition for a super special profit online to those that needed the super special edition. After waiting a day or two and noticing that the resell values weren’t worth the hassle of the process, I convinced myself to keep it.

I was a hard sell, it took all of a day.

Then came the Xbox One X. Microsoft’s version of a next generation console reboot mid generation. When it was first released in late 2017, it was a little more difficult for me to rationalize the $499 price tag for a new design on an existing console we already had. It played the same games as the Xbox One. Used the same controllers. Did pretty much all the same things, but did it a little better. Sure it boasted that it was the Daft Punkiest (harder, better, faster, stronger) Xbox that had ever Xboxed. It had a bigger hard drive and could flop those tera’s faster than any tera had flopped before in a console. But, did I really need it?

Of course I did! Did you not hear about the teraflops?!

However, I had recently convinced myself (and my wife) that I needed a PlayStation 4 because of this new, revolutionary game called No Man’s Sky.

I’ve heard it’s gotten a lot better with updates…

I think that short video speaks for itself on the initial playability of game. Not quite the droids I was looking for, and the PS4 has since ended up collecting dust. Sorry “God of War”, I promise I haven’t forgotten about you.

Since I had recently purchased yet another video game thinger majigger, I made the adult decision to purchase food and clothing for my almost-feral children, and decided to hold off on the not-really-next-gen-but-really-next-gen video game console.

And then came Doritos Roulette.

(700+ words in and I’m finally getting to the story at hand. That has to be new record for me.)

Doritos: Everyone’s favorite triangle shaped meal. Okay, maybe not everybody’s, but one of mine. Even the ones that aren’t shaped like triangles; they taste good too. And, I guess technically, they’re not supposed to be a meal. But, together with a Coke, that’s a well-balanced light meal for any bachelor. Trust me, and my kidney stone.

Within specially marked bags of Doritos Roulette you could find a special code that would give you points. The amount of points would depend on the size of the bag of chips that was purchased. Pair those Doritos codes with codes from Mountain Dew caps and you’d get bonus points! Bank enough points and you could “bid” your points on a brand new Xbox One X bundle, new controllers, new headphones, and even super stylish hoodies to show the world just how much you love Doritos and Mountain Dew! Auctions were every 60 seconds.

So, with the help of to find inventory around me, and a reddit forum for the promotion, I decided that this was a sure fire way to get the new console that I didn’t really need, but did really need, at a price that was much less likely to end up with me sleeping on the couch.

Cut to a few days later.

This was definitely one of the, ask for forgiveness later, situations. The look from the cashier as I was checking out with a cart full of 43 bags of Doritos was just about the same look as I got home with 43 bags of Doritos Roulette. A unique mix of surprise and disgust.

If you haven’t heard of Doritos Roulette, you’re not alone. It’s not a standard go to flavor, and to the best of my knowledge, it was only around for a few months and as far as I know, it was created specifically for this limited time promotion. At first I thought that you’d just be spinning the Wheel of Flavor and each bag will be a Doritos surprise. That wasn’t it at all. Each chip was either regular nacho flavor, or the flavor of a burning volcano.

The next few nights were spent emptying bags of chips, eating one or two chips and immediately regretting it, and entering codes online to build up my bank. And at the end of it all ultimately winning a brand new Xbox One X, with all of the teraflops possible.

Winner Winner Doritos and Mountain Dew Dinner!

This Thanksgiving, instead of a short craft and story from my son, or a post about favorite video game foods, I figured I’d finally get around to finishing a post that’s been marinating in draft version for close to 2 years.

I know, I’m a terrible blogger.

And now it’s time to relax oh gambler mine, and you know what that means?
A glass of Mountain Dew, your favorite easy chair, and of course this blog. So go on, indulge yourself. That’s right, kick off your shoes, put your feet up, lean back and just enjoy the melodies of your stomach churning as the Mountain Dew tries to temper the fire of the Roulette. After all, music soothes even the savage beasts.#

Today’s post is brought to you by *Primus’ song Tommy the Cat on their album, Sailing the Seas of Cheese and #The Offspring’s song Time to Relax off of their smash hit album… uh… Smash. Do yourself a favor and listen to them.

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