The One About Food

Or: How I’ve Been Conditioned to Mistrust the Cake

Of course Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time for family and friends.  A time for thanks and, uh, giving.  But we all know it’s about the food.  Here are a few times food has played an integral role in some of our favorite games.

Zelda: Breath of the Wild – Dubious Food

AKA, this is what you get when Dave cooks.  It’s not going to hurt you, probably, and would be better than starving, probably.

Grand Theft Auto IV – Heart Stopper Burger

Liberty City’s ‘Burger Shot’ introduced a burger that would be fit for inclusion on Man v Food.  This 6lb. burger comes with the necessary disclaimer that “This burger may kill you. We can’t be held responsible.”  Complete with 8 burger patties, lettuce, cheese, pickles onions (on a sesame seed bun,) this would have given anybody’s heart quite the workout, digitized or not.  Cousin Roman may have to wait for his bowling game, Niko is having some chest pains.

Resident Evil – Herbs

I’m sure that herbs have some actual nutritional value, and when used in food preparation can add a great deal to the finished product in terms of taste.  As a means of healing though?  I’m pretty sure that these green herbs did more for Chris Redfield’s psychological state of mind when faced with the zombie apocalypse.

Super Mario Bros. – Mushrooms

Along the same lines as the green herbs, Mario may have been eating a few too many mushrooms. Giant lizard kings, talking toadstools, skeleton turtles, and … goombas?  What in the world is a goomba?  Doesn’t matter, I’ve got to get back to saving the Princess.

Portal – Cake

Of course it couldn’t be a list about video game foods without cake.  Not just for birthdays and weddings; Portal made cake the ultimate reward!  It sounds really tasty too!  Some of the ingredients include:

  • Three slash four cups butter or margarine
  • Nine large egg yolks
  • One and two third cups granulated sugar
  • Two cups all purpose flour
  • One cup lemon juice

Don’t forget garnishes such as:

  • Fish shaped crackers
  • Fish shaped candy
  • Fish shaped ethyl benzene
  • Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes
  • Unsaturated polyester resin
  • Fiberglass surface resins
  • And volatile malted milk impoundments

The cake is promised to Chell after completing GlaDos’ test chambers.  Of course, one of those test chambers promising cake also leads to a fiery death, but don’t mind that.  The cake is real.

What are some of your favorite fictional foods?  Let me know in the comments below; and Happy Thanksgiving!

2 thoughts on “The One About Food

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